nothing smile

i wish i was special
i wish i was your type
i wish i was the stage diving-long haired siren
god of rock and death and life

and i want to overlook the city
on the rooftop of our school
all the criminals and perverts
all the boys you think are cool

i wish you'd let me die
my pillow is your lap
showering under your teary smile
heavy eyelids before i go away for awhile

but you would only miss me
because i'd really be gone
and not there for you to chase around
as a hound chases a fox.

"nothing" i said to you last night
when you were asking me what was wrong.
it was because i feel so alone sometimes
and lately you.. you just..

i need someone more vulnerable; more weak less strong
someone who fits the cliche of needing a shoulder to cry on

yet someone who doesn't smother me with small talk
unwarranted compliments or clingy jealousy

but

someone less independent.. to make me feel, needed.
some sort of sexual, emotional, responsible creature.

lights like braille

bitter water green with onions
and banging heads with the air
and all because of the glowing guitars
and the blast beats do you dare

forget your cares and your worries
troubled troubles
doubted doubts

i am god of procrastination
ill tell you all the in and outs
someday

turning back to snap a picture of the pasadena nightlife
the photo became blurred and little lights
became braille words
bursting out at me like shooting stars

i would like to spend the evening on a blanket in the grass
acoustic guitar, clinking whine glasses

cautiously optimistic
i affirmed my goals just to complete them much to early
i'll repeat them
and she's yearning to get her mind bent again

sleepy children speaking randomly with no censor in their heads
that is purity and i miss it to death.