time is wasting, feeling creative
waiting for toothpaste to dissipate mint
the bus is taking much too long
i'm far too dangerous to be allowed to sit
stewing in mindful tangents; through the circles in his head

and in the mornings she sleeps and wakes during my mid morning nap
like cats in love mewing at night; throw a boot
go to sleep again.

contradictory care

she with sunburned skin
smells like winter rain
contradicting the disappointments that
a boring life breathes in

with her laugh; full of teeth
looking everywhere except here
milky eyes gone somewhere else
gone afar, gone away
and where she is; she won't let me stay with her.

giving me so little i am frustratedly tantalized
i want more of her less.

neglected, the arteries rust in rain,
baking, breaking in the hot, winter cell.
i'll never ever see her again, dwelling in winter hell.

she tells me to go away, when, I just wanted to help.
but, in photos of her face her spoken words silently say
she loves me, I think.

180

she loves me; she loves me not
in my room in the summer i'm beginning to rot
but i have her in my head and on my phone and in an instant message
she loves me! i know, it took awhile for me to get it.

kissing her
like drinking water like quenching a thirst
except warm and cozy and comfortable and sleepy

and she's beautiful in her sleep
her bent knee; her messy, wiry bedhair
her exposed jawline
her slender arms.

her breath hot and like milk
when we kiss and go to bed
and take naps together
and wake up together
and run after the school bus together!

ignoring me

what a mistake i made
and now its too late
i never feel wanted
i shouldn't have stayed

and the hot morning's still till it meets the cool wafting breeze
inside it is simmering.
resentment, total, maddening anger and resentment to her
i am attention depraved

hurry, hurry through the thickets; through the fog
through the mire, and the branches--
It can't be long.

I am not a dog.
This love is not unconditional.
This love is unsure
This love is hurting
This love is waiting
This love is not worth it.

And the ticketman rips the ticket in 'twain.
You see me in the window, smiling crookedly.
I am patient and subservient, my love undeserving,
but in no way infinite.

unwanted.

remember when he stayed up late with you to tell you he loved you?
how he held your hand and looked at you like you were his world?

remember when he ignored you, and one night it clicked?
your beauty, your smile, your laugh it hit--
and he realized, his world changed, you made him feel simple again

and remember when you found out?
his past, his sorrows, his plight, he put
his trust, his life, in your hands
it was tough--

and remember laughing at your phone, feeling stupid
stupidly smiling
when he made you laugh at 2am,
when just an our ago we were crying?

when I first kissed you,
when we first danced
when we last danced
to Forever Young

We were infinite together, whenever that song was sung.

Remember how you felt when all of that was gone...?
Remember how hearing it without him sounded wrong...?

mindflow censor; off

dropping clues dropping hints dropping sighs
dropping lies drooping eyes
affection felt falling i idealized
the girl
and bored she stares off into space
and her hand goes limp in mine
i think its time to redesign
i think its time to realign
myself my needs my loves and priorities
go away for a while and come back stoic
silently suffering to who do i owe this;
too dependent too eloquent to expressive and perceptive
too willing to discuss and I resent this.

i'm available here, collecting dust--
take a hint- see me spin, spiraling down
down into the mud again.

but darling my love is inadequate...

but darling my love is inadequate
said dan to his sheltered love bunny

the kids who skipped along foothill
hiding behind little autos, tires, telephone poles
flying planes we grew our toes
from Basho and his friends, who are out of their minds, looking up
the moon

darling, it's not enough, i'm too unkind
so dan took a walk down summitrose to the park late that night
musing about life
and its all an all too convenient fantastic story
not even worth the hype
it's all so tiring, and just for a trick.

darling, im sorry it's not enough,
that i'm far too sick.

poignant illusion

hanging over me, the wallflowers
dying memory corsage
rotting, beautifully

boutineer, baby's breath, waiting yet
undeserving of any love any longer

he goes to purgatory, an act of love so strong
it commends terrorism to himself
to those i love
to the purest spirit

gone and sold for 150 roses
anonymous loves each, and the Wallflower
feeling so dirty now so soiled so far gone
he craves the days

simple joys-- held hands, stolen kisses, simple days.
innocence lost.

a flowing river!

waking up sleepy I forgot

"sigh, meet a flowing river!" she says

words i remember, places i remember

a detour to the park alone after grease
stains and how embarrassing i forgot;

before the girl's existence was of little consequence
to me,
deliberating the point of my own;

pain killers, little nooses taken with water

over and over and over
gonna use that hate to tear myself from my true life giver
my little center of attention. i'll go back, off myself again.