nothing smile

i wish i was special
i wish i was your type
i wish i was the stage diving-long haired siren
god of rock and death and life

and i want to overlook the city
on the rooftop of our school
all the criminals and perverts
all the boys you think are cool

i wish you'd let me die
my pillow is your lap
showering under your teary smile
heavy eyelids before i go away for awhile

but you would only miss me
because i'd really be gone
and not there for you to chase around
as a hound chases a fox.

"nothing" i said to you last night
when you were asking me what was wrong.
it was because i feel so alone sometimes
and lately you.. you just..

i need someone more vulnerable; more weak less strong
someone who fits the cliche of needing a shoulder to cry on

yet someone who doesn't smother me with small talk
unwarranted compliments or clingy jealousy

but

someone less independent.. to make me feel, needed.
some sort of sexual, emotional, responsible creature.

lights like braille

bitter water green with onions
and banging heads with the air
and all because of the glowing guitars
and the blast beats do you dare

forget your cares and your worries
troubled troubles
doubted doubts

i am god of procrastination
ill tell you all the in and outs
someday

turning back to snap a picture of the pasadena nightlife
the photo became blurred and little lights
became braille words
bursting out at me like shooting stars

i would like to spend the evening on a blanket in the grass
acoustic guitar, clinking whine glasses

cautiously optimistic
i affirmed my goals just to complete them much to early
i'll repeat them
and she's yearning to get her mind bent again

sleepy children speaking randomly with no censor in their heads
that is purity and i miss it to death.

forgetmenots

the fires in the sky opened up like seeping water
we are fragile yet we're not afraid to die;

she is flat; she is beautiful like genocide the music plays
she smiles-- she won't tell me her name

i am waiting for the train to take me back it's been two hours
she won't talk to me she's over it
drowning in neon rain

forget me not
this wicked frame
you're neglecting me
there is no one else but myself
to blame
forget me not

the air is sneaking in my ear it muffles every sound
i am worthless as the bronze dust on the ground

silence; pray that is the only sound.

yawn anesthesia

i wonder what is happening under my nose
the answer; so simple--
i'm conjuring up a ghost

oh insomnia poison this mind
and leave my sanity far behind
into the silver world
where fairies tell tales of boring humans

queen manipulation is settling my mind
with hoarse whispers in italics
lies, lies, lies

come sailing on plastic wrap
give me a picture of a silver world
and yawn for me Anesthesia; until the next turn
in line
and the next one to burn, tonight

double check danny

Tired of trying, waiting to die
I’m sorry for being such a bore to you
But I wanted to love you more than just every other week
or two.
Waiting for words, like water, without breadth
I see no one else beside me at the alter
shaking flesh
so cold; so suffocated

escort me through purgatory
through suffocating and deception
hanging by a thread
over all the sky to a noose around this neck

why not cut me loose? Instead of lie
just let me sleep because you and I are tired

and through the rye fields in a golden ocean
I’d sweep through with some sort of polish,
falling
off a cliff and hit the rocks and all this wit--
would be swept away in blood ruby pieces
to rot under sapphire waves

and all just to drift ashore
and rest on grains and ashes

children have summer plans
top secret, exclusive;
elaborate lies to keep from a world
that plainly,
couldn't give a fuck--

secret parties and secret dining;
masked through lies and concealing
don't feel sorry for us!

i am proudly alone with no desire
to celebrate in any condition
except my own